La Bramasole

Human Interaction Specialty

Emotional Vampires Part 2

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http://youtu.be/LtTESXypLrc

Hello All

This is my first attempt at making a Vlog AND using brand new software! Forgive the screen shot; I absolutely could not figure out how to make me bigger and my computer screen smaller; this was the third take and I figured I would just post it, beg your grace, and do better next time. The content came out ok anyway. Maybe just close your eyes and have a listen? Or pretend you are traveling from the Grand Canyon to the Arctic Circle on a random weekend journey with yours truly. Perhaps it is better if you just closed your eyes and had a listen.

Here are the points I promised to type out for you.

1. Listening/ processing styles. These are important so that you know how you might be the most vulnerable. They are VISUAL (if you don’t see it, it doesn’t exist), AUDITORY (if you don’t hear it, it doesn’t exist) and KINESTHETIC ( if you don’t move about, you can’t learn it). Also we talked about verbal processing (you have to talk it out in order to process something).

2. Further understanding about vampires and building that framework.
a. Vampires have their own set of rules; they are very different from yours and mine.
b. Rules of regular human engagement (social norms, traffic laws, regular laws etc) they they feel don’t apply to them; or if it does, it is at their convenience.
c. It is never their fault; ever. Even though they make very human mistakes.
d. They want things now. Or even sooner.
e. If they don’t get their way, they throw a tantrum. This can be on a spectrum, between passive aggressiveness and all out violence.
f. Their needs are more important than yours. Always.

Right, so looking back, there were 6 items not 5; sorry!

Ok, feedback always welcome. Thanks for watching. Cheers
Erina

The Edible, Lovable, Oh So Deadly…….

2 Comments

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The list below is a very small snapshot of what Bernstein suggests as the “Anti-social” Vampire type. They are exciting, charming, seductive; think of Bond…James Bond and his never-ending supply of women and motorized vehicles…..useful one minute, then when he is done with them, he goes off to the next thing. Or Pope Alexander and his mistresses….or the Borgia children and their eternal quest for power at any cost.

Now, of course, I love James Bond; who wouldn’t? And that is so much a part of his charm. That is the charm of any Anti-Social EV….they are exciting to a fault which makes them as yummy as they are dangerous.

And I adored the Borgia series (was Heartbroken when it ended!), learned so much from it…and enjoyed every juicy detail and plot twist which made me hang from the edge of my seat.

The thing is, such drama really belongs in the movies. When you have to live with it in real life, every single day, the effect can become utterly exhausting. It can feel as if your every last molecule is drained of energy, with nothing left to give, but that one person still demanding more, and more and more until you can’t stand it and you know something has to give.

The term “Anti-social” does not mean that this particular type of person hates people; quite the opposite in fact. The term simply means that when this particular EV chooses to engage with people, they do so with their own set of rules. Their rules are their own, and often don’t follow social norms. Anti-social EV’s don’t like to bow to authority (unless they choose to respect such authority on a case by case basis) and they find nothing wrong with manipulating their environment such that they may control it by manipulation of a very sophisticated kind.

However, as Bernstein points out, the Anti-Social EV is also a bit of a loner. They have a hard time committing to anyone because they don’t really trust anyone; how could they?  They barely even trust themselves. They see the world as being motivated only through self-interest; compassion, grace and selflessness are concepts which are mainly lost on them. They feel that the only way to deal with the world is to out-manipulate, out-calculate, and out-control their environment. Don’t believe me? Pick up the nearest Harlequin romance, and see for yourself. But again, such drama belongs in books, fairy tales, or movies; not in real life.

This doesn’t mean that the Anti-Social EV is, by nature, a bad person. Quite the the contrary. Sometimes it takes the drama, the charisma, and the ruthlessness of the Anti-Social EV to make significant change happen. Larger-than-life figures comes to mind. Elizabeth I might be considered such a person; Charlie Wilson might be considered such a person; the great opera singer Farinelli; the influence of “The Prince” Cesare Borgia, bastard son of a Pope, certainly fits the bill; Hitler and Stalin, hugely influential in their time, were also thought to be such people. Some changes were arguably for the better while other change was certainly for the worse, but the fact remains, as Bernstein describes, when you look at an Anti-Social EV, you are looking at a Ferrari in a world of Toyota’s.

Next post: the checklist to recognize if you are dealing with an Anti-Social Vampire or not; and then, later, what to do about it if you are securely stuck in their web.

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Emotional Vampires

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Emotional Vampires

I have recently been reading the book “Emotional Vampires” and I wanted to share some of the most interesting concepts which I have found relevant in everyday work life.

One of my Resolutions was to find a better work/home/life balance. To be better organized. To make my lists and have them done. To work out at least 4 times a week, eat properly and drink all my water. We are two weeks into 2014, and it has been quite the struggle. What I didn’t realize was I had to identify the things (and people!) who were literally sucking me dry emotionally, mentally and even in my spirit. All of which combined to make me sluggish, disorganized, frantic and periodically panicked as I hurriedly finished something which I had forgotten to do earlier.

Apparently there are 5 identified such “Emotional Vampires”. The Antisocial, the Histrionic, the Narcissist, the Micromanaging/Ultra controller, and the Paranoid. We will get into each one in further blog posts, but the most important thing to me, today, was the beginning.

How on earth do you recognize such a person for what they are? And what the heck do you do with them when they have you in a spell of confusion and disorganization, but you haven’t realized it until this moment? Will it be too late when you do realize it?

Today let us just go through the quick characteristics of such a person.

1. The person seems to have it all together when you first meet them and get to know them; but over time, you realize they are a perfect mess, and bonus, you are the one suddenly responsible for fixing their every problem and crisis.

2. They present you with inconsistent displays of brilliant charm, making you forget for a small moment the torment they put you through the rest of the time.

3. Promises they make tend to have a 24-hour shelf life.

4. They can often be professional back-stabbers whose constant and spiteful games constantly drain you dry.

5. They are “stars” who keep you with them while you are useful; but when you no longer have a use for them, they kick you to the side of the curb and find another “host”.

6. They are persons with authority who teach or lecture about equal and safe treatment; but their actions and personal code of conduct are completely opposite of their words.

7. They are loving one moment, cold and distant the next, without rhyme or reason, which always seems to have them controlling their environment at any given time.

Next time…..Anti-social Emotional Vampires and how to recognize if you are under their spell.

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